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who knows? join us below the cut for the p-a-r-t. y? because we've got to!
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8:30 - holy smokes! you're here a bit early, but you know what they say. early bird gets the werm hatt.
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we're only kidding! here, have some cupcakes.
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anyway, grab a drink, get comfy, say, hi... the episode starts in 30 minutes.
8:45 - oooh, the anticipation!
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8:55 - five minute warning!
9:00 - thankfully ricky gervais was gone by the time we tuned in this week. oooh, and now a voice-over! game of thrones is here!
9:00 - last week, there was some lannister in-fighting, and shadows killing men, and brienne joining catelyn. ooh, and warlocks! the house of the undying maybe? little finger is working more machinations, and margaery is sad. the night's watch is getting ready to take down lookouts. robb is going to kill joffrey. arya talks to jaqen. it was a good week! theon's taking winterfell maybe, but bran is having dreams?
9:02 - ever seen that metal dude play along to the theme song? dope, it is! love the additions of new cities and realms to the opening!
9:05 - lewin! crap! wintfell is under seige! lewin is trying to send off a raven..he gets one sent off, but attackers burst in. now prince theon has taken and is occupying winterfell. he's a greyjoy, he tells bran. bran is being told to yield. theon says he'll keep the people safe then.
9:06 - bran asks theon "theon, did you hate us the whole time?
9:07 - farley is about to get killed? just like in bran's dream? 'cause he won't bow to 'prince' theon? or maybe just beaten. i'm unsure. lewin is told to send a raven to pike to inform the greyjoys of victory, and to send men to winterfell. all these, ravens, eh?
9:08 - osha bends fealty, and bran feels betrayed. she wants to be free.
9:09 - "i ain't letting [the ocean] drown me" osha tells bran. we understand more.
9:09 - rodrik rides in, furious about what theon's done, but theon has his reasoning.
"the seven kingoms are at war, and winterfell is mine!"
9:10 - a guy we can only assume is ramsay says that rodrik needs to pay the iron price. so now he's to be killed. theon is cracking. lewin says the starks will pay and begs theon to think about it, but his mind is made up.
"you'll address me as prince theon, or you'll be next"
9:11 - bran is acting this crazy well, and rodrik is getting beheaded right in front of him,
"i'm going to see your father," rodrik tells him. but nobody feels better.
"any last words, old man?"
"gods help you theon greyjoy, now you are truly lost."9:12 - three strikes and a kick. that's disgusting, sad and bloody. theon's broken and can't swing a sword. any who, head rolls, so drink.
9:13 - now we're up past the wall. the rangers are packed up like hobbits.
9:14 - "know this, boy, your death will be a gift to them below the wall..." quorin begins setting jon up for the hard life of being a long term member of the night's watch. they've got the find those goat fuckers.
9:15 - we're with tywin, who wants to know if arya (and another dude, who sent a raven to the wrong place!) can read. they've intercepted a letter, it seems. she's made a mistake letting it be known that she can indeed read.
9:16 - tywin really cares about his legacy (and yet not! because tyrion is both the oldest, so more eligible than jaime, and furthermore, jaime is a knight of the kingsguard, and not eligible to inherit land), and yet his men can't read. he kicks everyone out of the tent to have a small council. arya is there as a knock on the door announces baelish! holy shit! this guy gets around.
9:17 - baelish comes from renly's camp with news... he mentions the potential of dark forces being at work, and there's a bit of a humourous discussion of demons and plans and men. baelish is sneaky and tywin blunt.
"you say that as though you were the first man to think it."
baelish is trying to sell secrets off, but tywin is uuuunimpressed.
9:19 - arya clumsily spills on petyr because she's nervous he'll recognize her. shit is suuuuper intense, but nobody seems to realize who she is. little finger discusses his meeting with catelyn about tyrion's plans for her daughters, buuut.
9:20 - the rangers are killing some wildlings! drink!
there's some arrow shooting and sword slinging, and jon found ygritte!
"a girl?"
"a wildling"
jon loves her it seems. she gave her his name, so she wants his.
"i'm jon snow"
"you ought to burn them you killed," she tells them.
quorin thinks the large fire is to attract more wildlings, but hell no.
we know why!
apparently there are a buttload of wildlings hiding beyond them,
and they're in the frost fangs for what? who knows? but she knows
who quorin is, and says "they'd take your head of your shoulders if they
was feeling kind. if not, they'd kill you slow."
well, i hope they're feeling good.
9:23 - quorin sets jon up to kill ygritte, but halfhand is a sneeeaky mother fucker,
ygritte is tough. she leans forward to get her head cut off
"strike hard and true, jon snow, or i'll come back and haunt you! that's cold"
jon can't do it!.ooh, quorin, you knew he couldnt't!
"do it, bastard, do it!"
jon swings but misses intentionally, ygritte trips him and takes off!
9:25 - shooting on location makes this chase seem so cool. no way he's going to catch her.
9:26 - scratch that. he does. but they have to hide. it's night time.
9:27 - ooh, myrcella is getting sent to the dorne, and cersi is wearing a robe we saw at the game of thrones TIFF lightbox exhibit. tres chic. she's livid with tyrion.
9:27 - tommen is crying, and myrcella is too, despite what the books have said. joffrey thinks that's pitiful (tommen's crying) and sansa thinks it's okay (based on her own brothers' reactions to her leaving winterfell). he makes fun of her a shitload for it ("was your brother a prince?").
9:28 - joffrey's walking with his guards and sansa. the hound looks so badass.
9:28 - oooh, people are chirping joffrey in the streets. tyrion makes sure tommen is safe, but joffrey gets shit (literally) in the face. joffrey tells his guards to execute everyone as a terrible riot starts out!
9:29 - the septon is literally torn apart and eaten! holy fuck! a group of people takes him apart and eats him. the hound is forced to clear the way for joffrey et al, at that was fucked UP!
9:30 - sansa is running, unprotected, and men are chasing her. tyrion
"they threw a cow pie at you so you decided to kill them all?" tyrion asks joffrey, in their safety.
"you're talking to a king" joffrey tells him
tyrion slaps him
"and now i've struck a king!"
9:31 - sansa's dress is ripped up and she's about to get raped it would seem. this is pretty uncomfortable.
"you ever been fucked, little girl?"
this is epic awkward. shes getting held down and stripped, but of course. here's the hound!
he kills the fuck out of all these guys, mostly via disembowling. he picks up poor sansa and drags her away.
as sansa is saved, other women are attacked in the streets.
9:32 - the hound drops sansa off with tyrion, and all is.. well for now?
9:33 - now xaro and dany are meeting the spice queen. he's a saucy little number.
"i'm not asking you for kingdoms, i'm asking you for ships." dany has no diplomacy, but
she's not here to argue grammar with the spice king. who needs his ships for, well.. spices.
9:35 - dany's outfit is amazing. spice king points out she has no army, no powerful allies in westeros (though she argues people will rise to fight for he) and thus no claim to his boats. this is logical. she has nothing to fight with yet... well, other than dragons.
9:36 - "when i stepped into the fire, my own people thought i was mad, but when the fire burnt out, i was unhurt. the mother of dragons. do you understand? i'm no ordinary woman. my dreams come true." well holy shit, dany.
dany gets really angry about this persistant titleage of little princess, and makes some threats. no ships for her!
9:37: - arya's reading that letter. now tywin knows she can read. he taught jaime to read.it seems he was dyslexic. but tywin sat him down? and he learned? why haven't we tried this?!
9:38 - arya gets questioned about her dad now, who says he was a stone mason, who taught himself to read, and was killed by loyalty. wow. now she's asking tywin about his father!
9:39 - while tywin is going on and on about his daddy issues, arya steals the letter. she runs off to read it, and she's intercepted by a guard, who is armory lorch! she claims tywin sent her to the armory with the letter. guard gets persistent and arya bolts it!
9:40 - she finds dreamy, dreamy jaqen with his ginger snaps hair.
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9:40 - arya tells him another name, this time armory lorch... and in a hurry! arya forces jaqen to kill him immediately, to prevent her secrets from being found out. then, boom! it happened. with a feather, to boot! well done!
well lorch, arya chose chose chose you!
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9:42 - robb is in the field talking to lady not-in-the-books and we're still being unclear about her banner it seems, and thus where she's from and with whom her fealty lies. anyway, robb is cockblocked by catelyn, who after some small talk tells robb that he is promised to another. they're interrupted by another.
"my lady, my lord. news from winterfell."
but then of course, we cut to jon and ygritte.
9:46 - "your brothers desert you? i can tell you which way to go"
jon is super afraid of fire.ha!
"bet you'll freeze to death before i do," ygritte tells him. "bet your life."
she's convincing him (successfully) to spoon. she's asking a lot of questions,
about the other crows.
"brave. stupid, but brave." is her opinion of jon's answers.
this actor works as ygritte.
jon wants her to stop moving...teehee
9:47 - robb's not taking it well. he wants to go home. catelyn knew this would happen.
"i told you not to trust a greyjoy!"
shit that is roose bolton, he's going to send ramsay. robb wants to go home.
"i want to look him in the eye and ask him why, then i'll take his head."
9:49 - now theon's in winterfell getting drunk with osha.
"there are other ways to serve my prince."
"we know things, the free people."
apparently these things are savage things that involve osha getting naked. we approve of this, specifically the full on nakedness of it (but because it serves the plot here)! but the theon party blows.
"it comes with a price though."
osha wants what all free people want though. her freedom.
9:51 - sansa's all bruised up and being tended to by shae.
"i thought they were going to kill me" sansa tells shae.
"so did they," shae replies.
"your horse eats better than his children." shae has a point.
"i hate the king more than anyone." ooh, be careful sansa. shae confesses that you shouldn't even trust her. it's great to see more dimension to shae.
9:52 - cutting back to osha and theon. she's sneaking away! she's caught by a gaurd, but pretends theon sent him to "make the rounds" and "keep all the men warm"... but then she guts that guy and runs off! badass! drink!
9:53 - now dany is whining to xaro. huzzah. he had nothing. we heard this.
9:54 - dany's entitlement and her pride are making it difficult for people to take her seriously.
9:54 - holy shit! and all of her people are dead!
you and your friends are dead! (link)
where are the dragons?! that never happens! ever in the books!doreah is dead as well! which is..i mean, i guess that happens in the books, but, you know. earlier.
that absolutely must be the house of the undying. there is no other option. WHY MUST WE WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR THIS?!!! dragons!
the house of the undying!
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our verdict?
sort of a pretty much a movie - live!!!!
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