Sunday, June 3, 2012

game of thrones season two finale liveblog! episode ten: valar morghulis

whelp, it's sunday again, but this one's a little bittersweet. tonight we'll set our blogs to "live" for one last game of thrones episode. valar morghulis is the season finale, of course, and as such we're on the edge of our seats in many regards.

how will the events at blackwater bay affect king's landing and westeros at large? what will happen in qarth, with dany and her dragons?  what is jon snow's fate above the wall?  what will happen in winterfell, and how will theon's actions shake out?

he sure does, theon!  let's find out why - after the jump!

...wait for it...
8:17 - wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome!

8:30 - just 30 minutes left. be patient, and have a drink. make sure you're stocked up. today's episode is brought you by great lakes orange peel ale, james ready, and la fin du monde.


...not sure what this bro dude drank.

8:45 -fifteen minutes! make sure you've got snacks, you miss anything and you'll have egg on your face tomorrow when everybody's talking about that great scene you missed.

...egg or worse

8:55 - just 5 minutes! how do we contain our excitement? is a time for a finale

9:00 - hey, look. it's the credits for good god. that's about the most of this show i'll ever see.
it still made me drink pre-emptively though, some sort of reflex.

9:01 - ooh, a preview of the episode we're about to see. dope!
it umm, appears to give away large parts of the episode though.

oh, hey. now they're telling us what we're going to watch, and that other shows are delayed
due to extra game of thrones time.

9:01 - so we're getting our memory jogged on much of what's happened through the season, featuring the night's watch, catelyn, cersei, jaime, the folks at winterfell, and all they've been up to. theon's fucked, it seems. jon's learning about mance's plans, and how qhoren needs to be killed by jon, it seems for the greater good. we're reminded that robb loves talisa, and jorah loves dany. oh, right! and blackwater happened, many were killed and even more maimed, but then tywin showed up with loras.

okay then.

9:03 - theme song, yay!

9:06 - tyrion's awoken, with flames in his eyes, and his face all bandaged. he calls for pod who he sends off to tell bronn or varys that he is "very much alive."

9:07 - wow! pycelle insults his size and informs him "you are no longer the hand of the king" and tosses some money on him.  treats him exactly like tywin treated tysha, one might note!

9:07 - tywin's horse is shitting on the steps, but then he rides into the throne room, where joffrey sits (who is the king, you see). he declares tywin "the saviour of the city and the hand of the king."

tywin thanks him and rides off.

cersei is there, still in her chest plate.

baelish is granted harrenhal by joffrey, for his role in uniting the the houses of tyrells and the baratheons.
he quips about needing sons and grandsons and effs off.

loras is here now, and joffrey asks want he wants.
loras claims that margaery is still innocent, and that joffrey should join their houses.

margaery is hot, and charming joffrey's cloth off.

"it would be an honour to return your love," he tells her. but then tells her he's betrothed to sansa.

that said, cersei busts in and says

"your councilors beg you, to set sansa stark aside."

varys is shocked! people are taken aback.

pycelle however claims that the stark's crimes against the realm free him of his betrothal,
and with that, he's with margaery.

"i will love you from this day, until the last day."
you're the queen and i'm the king...
...if nothing else, foreshadowing?

9:12 - sansa walks away, laughing, and of course littlefinger is there.
he tells sansa that she's going to get beaten and raped a bunch still, anyway.  not that she's been raped yet!  the writers loooove to keep us hanging on.  it's the classic will they/won't they situation, amirite?

"joffrey's not the sort of boy who gives away his toys."

he claims he's there to help get her home, because he loved catelyn.
wasnt' this ser dontos?  whatever happened to that guy?

anyway, sansa wants to stay.
"king's landing is my home now."

little finger tells her she's lying, obviously.  and that she is surrounded by liars, all of whom are better at it than her.

9:13 - ros is joined by varys, who wants to know things about baelish and
if "working for him was all you hoped it would be."

"i think your true talents are wasted on men."

she offers to return the favour of his kindness, but notices his eunuchness.
varys wants her to work for him, because he's not cruel and abusive.


ros will be betraying tyrion maybe, not shae?


9:15 - varys discusses how he knows baelish's weaknesses, and we cut away.

9:15 - jaime and brienne.

"some boys like a challenge."

he goes on asking about her virginity, but talks about how she pushed all the boys
away... blah blah... implied rape... blah blah
implies that she couldn't fight him off, so she should let him rape her, but like, be thankful for it?  i don't know.  it's oddly enough, the way people talk to you at bars sometimes.

9:16 - they happen upon some hanged "tavern wenches" who "laid with lions."

"it must make you proud to serve the starks."
"i don't serve the starks, i serve lady catelyn."

from there, she ties jaime to a tree to bury these hanged people, but oh shit!
some people are here.

"whoa, what's your business here?"
"travelling a prisoner."

they start laughing, cause brienne is a woman.  automatic punchline!

"alright, we'll be going."

they ask who she fights for.  she says "the starks."

jaime's putting on an accent and pretending to be a lowly thief, but they don't entirely buy it.

"do i know you?"
"have you been to rashmark?"
"then you don't know me."

fuuu, more implied rape stuff. but then they seem to realize he's jaime.

"i hope you gave them quick deaths."
"two of them."

"that's jaime lannister!"

"fuck, i wish someone had told me, otherwise i wouldn't have had to steal that pig."

holy shit!

the leader of the clan traps them by asking them to say jaime's fake name simultaneously on the count of 3.

on 3, brienne kills two of the men instantly, and the third slowly.

"two quick deaths?"

then she cuts him groin to chin, in an appropriately castrate-y fashion.  she is fucking spectacular.  she reiterates to jaime that she honours lady catelyn, not the starks, before ordering him to "stay," and cutting down the bodies of the slain women, so she can give them a proper burial.

9:22 - catelyn and robb are discussing the political nature of marriages and how you have to make them work. robb calls her reckless, and it seems their relationship is more strained and less understanding than in the book. she wants him to marry the frey girl, not talisa.

"because she's not beautiful?  because she's not exotic and exciting?"

so much for the two of them finding commonality in "betrayals."

9:23 - stannis and melisandre are here, and he wants to know why she didn't see tywin's ambush.  she looks frightened, and apparently with good reason.

"i've been fighting far longer than you," she tells him.
"have you?  then show me how you fight." he starts strangling her, asking where her god is now. and she tells him
"inside you."
stannis is fairly monstrous.
and now he dropped her.

"i murdered my brother."
"we did," she says. "share the weight with me."

she's uhhh, not upset by all this strangling and whatnot? what the fuck? also, her voice is fine?

any way, she tells him shit is worth it and he's the son of fire and shit, but i think he's kind of a douche, pretty much?

they look into the fire together though, and i guess they see some things. it certainly looks like it.

9:26 - "i will kill that man"
hey, look. it's theon.
he's surrounded.
they want him to know he's surrounded.
that's why they're blowing horns.

"thank you, wise bald man! thank you for explaining siege tactics to me!"

the horn blows.

"any word from my father?"
"send more ravens."
"you killed all the ravens."

now we talk about the first time he saw winterfell, it's cute.
he calls winterfell a frozen pile of shit and laments his life, as a lucky prisoner.

aww, theon's so torn between his real family and prison family.

he promises to "every fucking god in every fucking heaven" to kill that horn blower.

luwin tells him to run.
theon tells him he can't. he'd be killed or disowned by his family.

luwin tells him to run to the wall, and to join the night's watch.

"once you take the black, you're beyond the law."

he tells theon he knows how to sneak him off, and to get there.
that there are oppurtunities on the wall.

"opportunities for jon snow to cut my head off as i sleep."

luwin pleads with him though.

"i've known you for many years theon greyjoy, and you're not the man you claim to be, not yet."

9:31 - whelp, now theon is riling up his troops, looking for a good fucking.

"we die today, brothers..."

great speech, man.

"but our war cries will echo through eternity..."

okay, that's a little more inspiring.  he knows all of their names!

"ironborn warriors will cry out our names as they leap onto the shores..."

"and whoever kills that fucking horn blower will stand in bronze above the shores of pyke."

he leads them in a "what is dead may never die!" chant before getting speared KO'd!
luwin protests, and he's speared too! right in the gut, to die slowly!  this bolton is sneaky!!

9:33 - varys is telling tyrion that moore was paid by cersei and ordered to murder him.

"pod, would it be excessive of me to ask you to save my life twice in a week?"

pod would do it, but there's no need to run off to get bronn. he's fired. the rest of the cloaks are controlled by cersei or tywin... and the hill folk were paid off to leave. varys warns tyrion they won't see each other for some time.

"don't want to swim too close to a drowning man?  and i thought we were friends."

"we are."

varys gathers podrick, and tells tyrion that while tywin and history won't remember his bravery, he will.

they leave as shae enters.

9:35 - shae takes the bandages off, and tyrion's new trademark scars are revealed.
it looks much better - by which i mean worse - than i was expecting!  and rather realistic.  i wonder if pycelle deliberately held back from allowing it to heal cleanly.

"i'm a monster as well as a dwarf! you should charge me double."
"you think i'm here for money?!"

they have a mini blow up, but then she says they should leave.
they'll try to kill him again. they should go to pentos.

"what will we do in pentos?"
"eat. drink. fuck. live."

he says that they can't - or rather, he can't.  that he truly does belong in king's landing, with these "bad people."  it's hard to tell which of them he's trying to convince.
he expects that she will leave without him, but she reminds him that he "has a shit memory.  i'm yours, and you are mine!"
he begins to cry and they clutch each other in a seriously emotional moment.  i, uh.  it's so hot in here, mikey.  my EYES!
totally not crying!  *sniff*
9:37 - oh, shit.
now robb and talisa are getting married.
smooth move, grey wolf.

9:38 - qarth!  oh man - the house of the undying!  it is a tall, stone tower.

9:38 - "let them try."

9:39 - "is this a riddle?" the entrance is unclear!  jorah follows dany, obvs, in a circle around the base of the tower.

9:39 - she gets out of sight, and he loses her!  amazing!  i love it!  clearly she's the only one who will be allowed entry!

9:39 - "khaleesi!!!"

9:40 - "you try to frighten me with magic tricks?  you want me?  here i am!  are you afraid of a little girl?"
it sounds like the dragons are screaming back!

9:40 - finally!  jaqen h'gar, in all his attractiveness!  arya goes to parlay.

9:41 - "how did you know we would come this way?"
"after all of the things you have seen, this is your question?"

"if you would learn you must come with me."
he tells her to come across the narrow sea to braavos to learn to be a faceless man.  HE KNOWS EACH OF THE NAMES SHE "PRAYS."

he tells her she could engineer death for each of these people, if she comes with him.  but she can't, because she must save/find her mother and brother.  and her sister too.  but she's kind of an afterthought.

jaqen has her chant his phrase as he hands her an iron coin - coincidentally, it's the episode title!
"valar morghulis"
it functions much like beetlejuice, in that it summons a new face for jaqen.  it's an amazing scene, but i mourn the loss of his sexy former exterior.

9:45 - oh no!  winterfell is burnt to fuuuuuck as bran, rickon, osha, and hodor leave.  and they find maester luwin bleeding horribly to death against a tree in the weirwood!
they beg him to tell him what medicine can make him better, but he is a realist, as they must learn to be.
luwin instructs them to go to the wall to see jon.
who is not even at the wall.

"osha, you must protect them."
"i've got no great love for my own kind.  i'll get you milk of the poppy.  tell me where to find it -"
"- i don't want milk of the poppy.  do it quickly."
she does it for him, but we don't see.
instead, we see gorgeous direwolves against the smoke of winterfell.  holy shit.  this is so gorgeous and tragic.

9:47 - dany hasn't been told how to figure out which door to enter!  how interesting!  and there's an altar-like island in the middle as well.  she chooses a door, and walks through.  the room is vast, stained glass windows, pillars, falling ash.  the ceiling is broken.  it is the goddamn throne room at king's landing.  the targaryen throne room, charring around her.  she walks forward, having dropped her torch.  she's going to sit on the throne.

9:50 - psych!  dany's too cool for that shit.  she keeps heading toward the sound of the screams, exiting another door to find herself beyond the wall!
she heads into a tent, much larger than it seems, and oh my cod
it's khal drogo
with their BABY
who is somehow not a dragon monster?  damn, i wanted that scene.

"maybe i am dead and i just don't know it yet."
oh my word, drogo!
he says a bunch of sexy macho shit about not going to the great skylands without her, telling the great stallion to go fuck itself, etc.
"maybe it is a dream.  your dream, my dream, i don't know.  these are questions for wise men with skinny arms."

and sad!  it isn't real!

that baby is creepy, and not your child.
nice musical cue.
"until the sun rises in the west and sets in the east
until the rivers run dry and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves"
and she leaves.  like a leaf.
great job, dany.
the dragons are chirping in the background.  she finds them!  they're adorable!
but pyat pree interrupts their reunion.
"you will be with them.  through winter, summer, and winter again.  throughout a thousand, thousand seasons, you will be with them.  and we with you, again."
oh no!  pyat, in his many manifestations captures and ties dany up.  but the dragons are having none of this!

they shoot around her, through her, and completely incinerate him.  it's all of them together, not just drogon!
they are her true children.  what a cool scene.
...but still not as wicked as the books!
to be honest, the house of the undying was a bit of a letdown.  it's just so much more magical, complex and suggestive in a clash of kings!

9:56 - yay, ygritte!
"not talking is not the way to go!"
but the wildlings' chirping of jon snow is cut off by qhorin's badassery.
he's challenging jon, who is battling for his life with longclaw.
we all know how this will end.  it is a beautifully choreagraphed scene.
"your traitor father teach you that?"
rarr, fight, slash, etc.
"or was it your whore mother?"
more fighting!  and then jon snow kills qhorin brutally.
he dies saying "we are the watchers of the wall."

9:57 - "you can tell mance that's the man who killed qhorin halfhand." - ygritte

9:58 - "burn the body.  you don't want this one coming back for you." - rattleshirt (whose armour is simply incredible)

oh, must be hurting.  oddly, i know this most because i see it in ygritte's face, and not in yours.  bummer, kit hartington!  harrington?  i'm drunk.

9:58 - "time to meet the king beyond the wall."

9:59 - more good music!  shit!

9:59 - xaro - and doreah!  ambush, baby!

"khaleesi, please.  he said you'd never leave qarth alive, and - "


they open up xaro's storeroom with its incredible lock, but it has been completely purged.
she swings around, with regal bitterness, so much like cersei.

"thank you, xaro xhoan daxos.  for teaching me this lesson."
she locks xaro and doreah in the vault alive, as they scream and beg for mercy.  jorah detaches the lock, and you can be sure she will keep it as a lesson.
jorah walks around, disgusted.  "it's all a lie."
dany disagrees.  "looks real enough to me."  she holds up a gold vessel.  "real enough to buy a ship?"
the sun breaks over jorah's face.  "aye.  a small ship."
"take all the gold and jewels."

haha!  see, dany?  you should never have chastised your "savages" for plundering earlier!

10:01 - now we're back above the wall!  with pyp, grenn, and samwell.

"the thing about gilly that you find so interesting, is that she's said six words to you."
why do i fall in love with every woman who gives me the slighest bit of attention? (link)
oh shiiiiT!!! three fucking horn blasts.
that means OTHERS.

but sam has fallen!
he's lost in the wind and the white walkers!!!
they move like zombies!  it's terrifying.  sam!  the dragonglass!  get it!

10:04 - holy shit they are actual zombies.  with weapons and shit.  and dead beastly gored up horses what the fucccccccck
you thought these were scary?  you were incorrect! (link)
the scariest jack frost you've ever seen just stared down sam tarly, rejected killing him, and roared a hideous battle cry while pointing a spear toward the wall.
the camera pans back to reveal a massive horde.
10:05 - the music in the close is also wonderful.  the continual permutations of the theme song throughout have been delightful!  and macabre.  and narrative.  and awesome.
we are so stoked.  we cannot wait for the next season.  how can this be!!  such a long wait!!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...