Sunday, June 9, 2013

Game of Thrones Season 3 Liveblog! Episode 10: Mhysa!


You've made it back for another week of Game of Thrones. Quite frankly, we're a little bit surprised. Last week's episode was all kinds of disgusting, terrible, and sad. You're pretty silly returning for more. 

And yet, here you are, so let's watch some Game of Thrones.

Maybe your favourite character is still alive, and you feel a vested interest in the show. Good for you!

someone on the internet made this.

so, what other depravity to these sick fucks have in store for us this week?

What's up with those Lanniser folks?
How's that Khaleesi lady and her puppies, men?
Is Davos still reading?
Is Stannis still needlessly murdering leeches?
WTF is a Mhysa?

Hit the jump, and let's find out together!

8:30 - Hey, we all know Robb got proper messed up in the last episode, but what about Jon Snow? What about his face?

silly knights, always getting scratched.

8:40 - Make sure the bar fridge is stocked up, folks. If this week's anything like last, there's a bunch of drinking to be done. We're rocking some Maudite and some James Ready.

8:50 - Whoa, we're tuning into Less Than Kind before hand, and umm, that's taken an interesting turn, eh?

8:55 - five minutes!! yee!

there are these many minutes left

9:00 - oh, hey, previously, on game of thrones. 

(hint: some terrible shit has happened this year.)

9:03 -  here we go with the best opening credits sequence, one more time this season.

man, this theme song is so good.

9:05 - we pick up with Roose Bolton, walking out to the Twins to watch the Stark massacre continue below.

Heads are on pikes, men are on fire, men are hung, and ripped apart. This is pretty fucked.

Men are chanting "the king in the north."

Wow! They actually did the whole Grey Wind's head on Robb's body thing.
That kinda sucked. Wasn't exactly expecting them to go that far.
Like, that was gruesome. Intensely fucking gruesome.

Like, I don't think they paraded him around in the book.

And Arya had to see it.

Well, shit!

9:07 - Contrasting that terror now is a rather opulent looking beautiful scene in King's Landing.

Sansa and Tyrion walk and talk (with Shae in tow.)

two noblemen walk by snickering at the couple, and tyrion murmurs their names under his breath.

Seems Tyrion has a list of people on whom to wreak vengance (wonderful callback to Arya, especiallyfter what just happened). Sansa is concerned: "To kill?"  
tyrion's all "who do you think i am, joffrey?"

sansa tells tyrion he must learn to ignore them.  he hilariously and respectfully reminds her that he's been being laughed at for significantly longer than her.

Sansa wants to put sheep dung in some guys bed?

"My sister used to do that when she was angry with me, and she was always angry with me."

Tyrion asks "why sheep 'shift?'"

Sansa leans closer, and confides that "'shift' is the vulgar word for 'dung.'"

oh, my heart is breaking.  she's so fucking innocent, and trying so hard to trust and befriend people.

Podrick comes along, to invite Tyrion to a meeting of the small council.

dun dun DUN!

9:09 - ha!

Tyrion reads the note from Walder Frey, and finds it indescernible. "Is this bad poetry?"

So anywho, that sick fuck Joffrey wants Robb's head sent to him so he can serve it to Sansa at the wedding.

"No. She's no longer yours to torment."

"Everyone's mine to torment."

Joffrey calls him a monster.

"Then you should speak to me more softly. Monsters are scary and Kings are dying like flies."

Ha, Joffrey looks about incredulously, and then makes some threats.

Joffrey calls himself king, and Tywin tells him "any man who's King doesn't need to say he's king. I'll make sure you know that when I'm done winning your war for you."

Humorously, Joffrey freaks out, saying his father won the wars and Tywin hid under Casterly Rock. Tywin responds by sending him to bed. Tyrion finds this awesome, and he and daddy have a nice talk about owning armies and Lannister involvements in Robb's slaughter.

9:13 - 

Tywin explains he did what he did to defend the Lannisters, because it's better to kill "a dozen men at dinner." than thousands in the field.

"All the Stark men dead, Winterfell is in ruin, Roose Bolton will be named warden of the north until your son by Sansa Stark."

Tyrion thinks that's going to be tough, y'know, what with their killing her father and now brother.

Tywin thinks he can make it happen.

"I will not rape her," Tywin tells him.

Tyrion thinks that Tywin does everything in his own interests, and not for the family.

"When have you done something for the family and not your own interests?"

"The day you were born!"

See, Tywin wanted to toss Tyrion in the ocean, 'cause he's little, I guess? But he didn't

"'cause you're a Lannister!"

9:16 - Tyrion returns to his chamber, and Sansa already knows.

9:16 - Hey, Meera and the Stark boys.

oh, and Hodor.

He's Hodoring down a well.

Anywho, the gang has set up in some Keep for the night.

They've decided to talk about the Rat cook?

Apparently that dude killed some King's son and baked him into a cake (nice, good show.)
The Kings turned him into a giant rat who could only his sons.

"If the gods turned every killer into a giant whi-" Meera starts.

"It wasn't for killing a king's son, it was for killing a guest under his own roof."

9:19 - and at that, we cut to Walder Frey, the sick fuck.

He's getting a new young wife, yay!

In this scene they joke about the Starks and marriage as some people clean up the hall.

Roose goes on to tell Walder about how they took Winterfell from Theon, and what's happening to Theon.

9:24 - speak of the Devil...

Ramsay's eating a sausage, and there's some double entendre... I guess Theon's become a eunuch now.

Ramsay waxes poetic about phantom cocks... 

That conjures up humorous images of ghost penises.

"sorry, i shouldn't make jokes. my mom taught me to never throw stones at cripples. but my father taught me to aim for their heads!"

Theon begs to be killed, and Ramsay makes him do it louder.

"You don't look like a Theon Greyjoy anymore, that's a name for a lord. You're just meat. Stinking meat. You reek. Reek! That's a good name for you. Reek!"

"Theon Greyjoy"

Ramsay smacks him.

"What's your name?"

"Theon Greyjoy."

He hits him again. Theon begs.

"What is your name?"

due to the tv rule of threes, Theon, Reek gets it this time.

"Reek. My name is Reek."

Man, that Ramsay actor is nuts.

9:25 - the Stark boys are awaken in the middle of the night by noises.
Meera grabs a knife, Summer wakes up.

Something is clamoring up the steps.

It's Sam!

"Who are you?"

"I'm heading to the wall."

"My brother's in the night's watch."

"Who's your brother," Sam asks.

"It doesn't matter," Jojen says.

"You're Jon Snow's brother. The one who fell. I've spent enough time around direwolves to know one when I see it. And I've heard of Hodor."

Sam goes on to tell them about the thing's he's seen at the wall.

"You've seen the white walkers," Jojen starts. Then goes on to explain that all the armies in Westoros can't stop them.

Good scene. Chilling.

9:27 - Damn, it's Balon Greyjoy.

He's gotten a letter from Ramsay. He's sent a threat to Balon and told him to withdraw all Greyjoy men, before the next full moon. He'll flay all Greyjoy men alive that he finds after that.

"in the box you'll find a special gift. Theon's favourite toy. He cried when I took it away from him."

The letter continues to say that if they don't leave Winterfell, more boxes full of more Theon will arrive.

Yara defends Theon as Balon tries to renounce him,

"He's your son. He's lost his manhood. He's not a son anymore."

"I've made my choice," he says.

"As have I," Yara responds.

Holy shit. She's taking their fastest ship, with their fifty best killers,and she's going to get Theon.

That uhh, that doesn't happen in the books, does it?

9:28 - Sam's teaching the Starks and Reeds about Dragonglass.

"But nobody's killed a white walker in a thousand years."

"Somebody had to be the first," Sam says.

He then goes on to describe the army of white walkers and dead men.

He tells the Starks he wishes they'd come with him.

They say they can't, and disappear into the night, Dragonglass in stone.

We think Sam gave everyone a blade?

9:33 - time for a sit down between Davos and Gendry.

Gendry's umm, pretty angry about the whole being a prisoner thing.

Hey, it turns they're both from Flea Bottom.


Very Fresh Prince / Marcus Stokes.

The men discuss how they came to be where they are.

"It's a long story," Davos starts.

"Better not then," Gendry says. "I'm pretty busy."

It's cute.

Davos flashes the lack of fingers, talking about his treatment from Stannis, and the inspiration he sons provided even though they're dead, and Davos' life pretty much sucks, but he can read now!

They leave on sad notes about his son.

9:36 - Varys and Shae talk...

Varys is pretty happy about the impact Shae's had on their "mutual friend."
Shae is put in a terrible place because she "loves that girl, [and] would kill for her."

"If you let yourself believe that a foreign girl with no name can spend her name with the son of Tywin Lannister-"

"I have a name," she starts.

"You have one name, so do I. Only the family name matters here."


He gives her a fistful of diamonds and tells her to run to Pentos and start a new life. He's given her more than enough.

"Why do you want me to leave?"

"Because Tyrion Lannister is one of the few people that can save this country."

Varys goes on to say Shae's presence is more dangerous for Tywin and herself and everyone involved.

He turns and leaves her with the diamonds.

She tosses them to the ground.

"Lord Varys, if he wants me to leave, he can tell me himself."

9:39 - Nice, Pod and Tyrion are getting hammered.

"Keep up! It's not easy being drunk all the time, if it were, everyone would do it."

Cersei approaches.

"Leave," she says.

Pod runs away.

"Enjoying your marriage?" She asks Tyrion.

After some chit chat, Tyrion asks if she'll be handling her marriage to Loras the same way.

"I won't be marrying Loras."

So apparently, she's here to convince Tyrion to give Sansa a child. Something to make her happy.

"You have children, how happy would you say you are?"

"Not very. But if not for my children, I'd throw myself from the highest window in red keep."

"Even Joffrey?"

"Even Joffrey."


Oh, also, as per usual, these two actors are awesome, and their clothes are great.

They play siblings pretty wil..

"How long does it go on," Tyrion asks.

"Until we've dealt with all our enemies."

"Every time we deal with our enemies we create two more."

"It'll go on for a long time then."

9:43 - The Hound and Arya are riding my some Frey men... They're recounting their stories of murdering during the Red Wedding. One claims to have been the one to sew the head on.

Arya falls off the horse and approaches their fire.

"Can I Keep warm?"

"Fuck off"

"I've got money"

"Does fuck off mean something different where you're from?"

She brings out J'aqen's coin, and drops it purposefully to the ground.

"Sorry," she says.

As the one who was yapping reaches down for it, she starts stabbing him, and kills him up right.

The other men jump in to help, but The Hound dispells them.

They stand coldly.

"Is that the first man you've killed?"

"The first."

"Where'd you get the knife?"

"From you."

He glances down and realizes she's stolen it from him.

"Well next time you're going to do that, tell me."

The Hound goes to the fire and grabs some food.

9:45 - Oh hey, Jon Snow is resting by a small pond, tending to his wounds.

Oh, hey! Ygritte is here. She's not too happy about being left alone as she was.

Jon keeps telling her that she knew what he was before, and that he has to go home.

He says he's going home.

"You know nothing, Jon Snow," she says and shoots a bow at him.

He gets two more as he's making his way to his horse to depart.

9:48 - Back at the Wall, Maester Aemon is meeting with Sam and Gilly. He discusses with Sam how when he took the black, he gave up things, like titles, and "other things."

After much hemming and hawing, Sam is put in charge of the Ravens and Gilly is allowed to stay, all because Sam remembered his vows, and saw some White Walkers.

9:50 - Davos is here again! He's reading!

"Why is there a g in night?"

He comes across another parchment.

"Lords and ladies of the seven kingdoms... The Night's Watch implores you..."

9:51 - bells start chiming, so Davos has to go meet Stannis?

"Robb Stark is dead," Stannis tells him.

"And you talk credit for this because you dropped a leech in a fire," Davos asks.

Stannis explains that when Aegon became King, he had a smaller fleet and smaller army than every other family, but he had three dragons. He had magic.

They hem and haw some more about what to do with the boy downstairs.

"His name is Gendry. A poor boy from Flea Bottom. He's your nephew."

"What is the life of one bastard boy against an entire kingdom."

Cut to Gendry downstairs, and someone walking towards him.

"Is this a trick?" Gendry asks.

"Not on you," Davos says, and gives him a cloak.

He starts giving him a bunch of advice like don't drink sea water, and keep the coast to your left, etc.

Gendry gets in wrong.

"Have you ever been in a boat before?"


"Try not to fall out."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because it's right. And I'm a slow learner."

9:55 - Jon Snow's made it back to the wall. He's carried in, and Sam is one of the first to greet him. That said, Jon identifies Pyp first, 'cause he's a dick.

Same tells the men to carry him inside, gently.

9:56 - huh? Jaime for the first time in the episode? Fuck, son. They're back at King's Landing.

"Out of the way," some dude brushes by Jaime.

"Step aside, country boy."

Jaime and Brienne share a brief sentimental moment about it.

9:56 - We cut to Cersei in her chamber playing with a shelll.

Jaime enters the room behind her and says her name.

They eye each other, then his hand, then each other again, then they cut back to Stannis.

9:57 - "You don't deny it?" he asks Davos.
"No, I didn't."

So these dudes are pretty pissed at Davos, but he's still pretty sure you can't see the future in a fire.

Stannis sentences Davos to die, but as the hand to the King, Davos advises against it, and gives him the letter from the Night's Watch!

Davos is spared because of what Sam saw.

"What he saw, beyond the wall, it's coming. For all of us."

Stannis passes the letter to Melissandre.

"When did you learn to read?" Stannis asks him.

Davos lies and says his son taught him.

"This war between five kings means nothing. This war in the north matters. Death marches on the wall, you need to stop him."

Wow, then Melissandre agrees they need Davos too.

This is awesome!

"You see, Ser Davos? You've been saved by that fire god you love to mock."

Ha, religious people.

Melissandre gives Davos a smoldering look.

10:00 - Meanwhile, over at the Gates of Yunkai,

Dany and her people wait. They've freed the people of Yunkai, who are initially hesitant to leave, but eventually come flowing out of the city. The Unsullied draw their weapons against them, but Missandei steps forth to talk to them, introducing Dany... Dany doesn't like the party line she pitches though, and steps forward to speak herself.

"You do not owe me your freedom," she tells them. "I did not give it to you."

She explains to them how their freedom is theirs to take back, and she can't give it to them.

They people in the crowd start chanting mhysa slowly.  Apparently an old Ghiscari for mother.
Hey, the dragons look pretty good.

She tells the dragons to fly, seemingly to impress the people.

They're pretty obedient, these dragons.

Dany steps forth and tells the Unsullied to let her pass.

She walks through Yunkai people, allowing them to like, touch her?

Then it turns into Lollapalooza, and she's like, picked up and almost crowd surfs around?

I don't know?

Anyway, the dragons fly around, and we pan out showing the sheer size of the crowd Yunkai people, and hey, somewhere in the middle there is a tiny little white speck called Daenerys!

As an aside, didn't Stannis just foreshadow Dany winning, with her small, dedicated army, tiny fleet and three magic dragons? Just sayin'.

Hey, that was actually a friggin' kick ass episode. Potentially the best yet!

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