Sunday, April 22, 2012

game of thrones season two liveblog! episode four: garden of bones

it's a bit early to plant anything else, and a little cold indeed. garden of bones it is!
yes.  enthusiasm!
oh, and ps:
winter is coming.
8:30-8:50 - you are early.
a toast to you!

Ten Minute Warning!

Attain all necessary snacks and drinks!

8:56 - oooh, man. we tuned in too early and had to watch some ricky gervais. i mean, he was cool once and all, but ugh.

9:00 - previously, on dany the dragon lady. lots of things happened last week! that episode was grrrreat! just like the opening sequence... all 5 minutes of it!


9:06 - so some guys are camping in the rain talking about who would win fights? the mountain? jaime ? loras? oh crap, the horses are spooked!

9:08 - there are a bunch of intense moments, then the drunk fat one farts... it's all fun and games until grey wind goes in and murders some people. a  beautiful massacre ensues!

9:10 - its the morning, and robb is discussing how he wants them to treat his sisters well in kings landing.  haha, yeah right, robb.  they come up on a man who needs a foot removed. robb helps a fetching woman cut off this lannister man's foot, and its super romantic!

9:11 - robb keeps talking to this lady from volantis, and it's all a little odd.  she rides away on a cart.

9:12 - ooh, and now this joffrey fellow is pointing a crossbow at sansa in the throne room, telling her that 'killing you would send you a message'... but they've got to send him a message some other way. sir meryn is informed to beat and undress sansa (leaving her face, cause joffrey likes it) before tyrion busts in, calling the ser meryn a halfwit and joffrey a poor excuse for a king.

9:14 - tryrion "bronn the next time sir meryn speaks, kill him. that was a threat. see the difference?"
tyrion and sansa walk and talk, and theres more politicking.

9:15 - bronn says that joffrey needs to get laid. i disagree.  vehemently.

9:16 - the hound is here, and he's seeing to it that joffrey gets his name day present from his uncle. and its some ladies, who are quite willing to do their thing with joffrey, but he has them go at each other instead, fulfilling the shows quota of all female nudity. any way, joffrey wants one of the girls to start hitting the other. he eventually offers his belt.

9:17 - joffrey gets all abusive with the girls, telling them to hit harder, 'cause he's a dick. but wants his uncle to get his money's worth, apparently. oooh, now he offers a sword, and cranks up his cross bow

"your grace, too much pain will spoil the pleasure"

joffrey tells the woman that she'll take the woman to tyrion after to show her what she's done. then there's a horse and it's over.

9:18 - little finger's bugging renly who doesn't like him. ned stark is mentioned (drink), fruits eaten, threats made

9:20 - loras and margaery (in a bad ass outfit, drink) meet up with little finger. they have some, interesting conversations about the construction of camp... and renly and their seperate tents.

9:21 - this all leads to questions of loras, renly and marriages... then tents and kings.

9:22 - "my husband is my king and my king is my husband. here is your tent lord baelish, goodnight."

oooh, margaery.

9:23 - qarth! dany's going there! they'd be honoured to recieve the mother of dragons. jorah said the name of the episode! drink!

"every time the qartheen shut their gates to the travellers the garden grows."

9:24 - harrenhal! arya! this, like most sets is gorgeous and makes so much sense! melted towers, oooooh!


9:25 - apparently a lot of people die in this here harrenhal.
we're in the dungeons now, and arya is doing her prayer for the first time! drink.

9:26 - baelish is trying to get with catelyn, telling them fate has allowed them this chance to be together, and she grabs a knife out and holds it at him. he claims he has both her daughters, sansa and arya, cause he's a douche like that. apparently 'fears for their longevity if they remain in the capital.' then he tells her the lannisters would trade the girls for jaime. what's his game?

9:28 - aaand, littlefinger brought a gift! it's ned! or his bones, at least! get it? hey, hey? garden of bones? drink

catelyn tells him to get out. this is sad and jarring.

9:30 - morning in harrenhal. the mountain is here! wooow. drink. he's making his choice on who to question today! some random guy. whoooa. hot pie pees!

9:31 - shishi, a very 1984esque torture scene involving a rat, and back to arya, who adds the mountain and polliver to the list.


9:32 - stannis, melisandre, renly and catelyn. some treatying and discussion of flags. the horses and armour are gorgeous. renly calls stannis a ham, and its hilarious. then catelyn tells them to act like brothers and not children. stannis plays the ned card, and clearly nobody here is going to agree.

'no one wants you for their king'

9:34 - no one stannis can have all that power

9:34 -

9:35 - oh shit - is that illyrio?

9:37 - hahahahah "the beauty...of quarth"
that's very much the "herm-on-in-e" moment of game of thrones.

9:39 - qarth is a bunch of racist dickholes!

9:39 - oh man, daenerys is amaaaaaazing.  finally, we see the fire!
oh yes
xaro xhoan daxos!!!!!!!
black people represented!  it is...a start?

9:40 - "very well.  i invoke simai." i did not remember this at all!  and it was beautiful and striking.  quarth is...oh my shit.  it's unbelievable.  they did an incredible job representing the incredible splendour of this place.

9:41 - holyshit, they have gendry!  and another rat!  well, if it ain't broke...*retch*

942 - in rides tywin lannister!  i never thought to think of him as a saviour.

9:43 - oh no!  arya stried to save him and was caught!  and lord tywin stopped her from being killed, and pointed out she was a girl.
oh my fuck.
"to travel safely, my lord."

9:44 - lancel's clothes are kiiiiilling me right now.

9:45 - (link)

9:45 - am i crazy, or did they already establish this in the last episode?
either way, this is amazing.  and you know what tyrion, fuck you.  you don't know that wasn't the case...and even though he wasn't, it's unfair to assume he couldn't have been forced.
great acting.  i believe it, and its pretty fucked up.

9:46 - tyrion, you are a mastermind.

9:48 - ah, davos!  at last!  hes one of the most interesting characters, and so much is required of him.

9:49 - ohfuckohfuckohfuckreally???  is that going to happen?
hahaha i'm such a tease.

9:50 - "are you afraid, onion knight?"
i love melisandre.  there was not enough of her in book five!

9:50 - "a man is good or he is evil."  oh man.  that's quite ominous.  but what choice does she have, being a slave to r'hllor?

9:51 - "but you have known other women."
"don't talk about my wife."
"i'm not.  i'm talking about other women.  like me, ser davos.  you want me.  you want to see what's under this robe.  and you will."

9:51 - "shadows cannot live in the dark, ser davos.  they are children of light."  i looove that line.

9:52 - bam.  pregnant women.  anyone?  anyone?

952 - wow, this is graphic.  the stone glows, the fire glares.  incredible!  pregnancy is scaaaaaaaaary!

9:52 - oh my god it's even better than i ever imagined.  that looks so much better than the dragons.  although very reminscent of fern gully.

9:53 - are you kidding me?  that early?  fuck!

our verdict?
sort of a pretty much a movie - live!!!!

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