(don't forget today is Billy Corgan's birthday!)
everybody loves some billy corgan, right?
We hope this means that you're already a few beers deep, and very much enjoying the spirit of the season, and that's why you're all green. It's food dye, right? Certainly not mold and gangrene eh? No walkers around these parts, right?
oh, charlie day.
so after a string of something approaching decent episodes, last week was a bit of a clunker. sorta slow. sorta boring. lots of talking and whiskey, not so much... umm, excitement. they did come to one agreement, however.
rick is a real fuckin' leader. not like that governing guy.
so, where's this all leave us?
is merle still being a pain in the ass at the jail?
are glenn and maggie all sorted out i guess?
what happened to morgan? or tyrese for that matter?
are these two grown-ass white dudes really going to fight over michonne's ownership for the rest of the season? or are they actually fighting over andrea?
what in the bloody blue hell is andrea actually doing? like, seriously?
oh, and how much longer until rick, y'know, gets luke skywalker'd?
can't some people just die and this storyline be over?
i can't sit here and tell you you'll get the answers you're looking for over this here cut, but i'm sure as hell going to help you try to figure it all out.
8:15 - Welcome! You're a little early, but please join our hostess, Andrea, doing her best Rear Window impersonation.
Pull up a chair, pour yourself a drink, and say hello. We're sure to be in for some fun times tonight.
8:25 - it's incredibly important that you get any last second errands *cough*beer*cough*chips*cough done, because a whole lot of stuff is going to happen. stuff and things you might say. you don't want to miss these stuff and things 'cause of your own stuff and things, do you?
that really might be a better title for this isht.
8:40 - so with today being St. Paddy's day and all, we really do plan on having some drinks. Y'know, Rick and The Governor had their whiskey last week, and this week at prettymuchamovie, we're pounding back some beers (this is different, right?). Our brews of choice tonight are some James Ready 5.5 and a little bit of Shock Top. Not the fanciest, but we've never much cared for Guinness anywho.
So, drink up tonight. Walkers die? Drink. Bloodshed? Drink. Plotholes? Drink. Continuity error? Drink. Silly Sex Scene? Drink. Governor says stupid stuff? Drink. Andrea makes stupid decision? Drink. Stuff? Drink. Things? Drink. Stuff? Drink. We're serious, people. Please drink. It makes the show much more enjoyable.
trust us. we're experts.
8:50 - okay, time for wicked excitement now. right? right. better drink to cool that down. hey, think anything'll happen this week, or are we just going through more pseudo-pre-hostage-negotiation with the sheriff and the governor? ooh, that'd make a decent show, y'know, if they still had teevee.
8:55 - oh man, oh man, oh man.
hey, how many walkers are they going to off tonight?
i'm setting the over/under at 5. who wants to lay down some bets?
8:56 - man, last week's episode was effing grand.
and by grand, i mean slow, and sort of... well, is there a word for wet cardboard?
8:58 - the end of last week's episode is funny - rick seems to be asking hershel for advice, but not really taking it. quite funny. poor dude's shocked rick is even asking for his opinion on this, let alone questioning what his advice.
9:00 - so in the "previously" we go over the gov's history and get reminders of their agreement.
9:01 - ooh, a walkers chained up to a tree? all armless?
flashback?
yeah.
andrea and michonne at a fire, michonne's boys in tow.
they share some beans.
"girls night," michonne calls it. i reiterate my request for an andrea/michonne post-apocalypse buddy comedy.
9:02 - andrea starts prying into michonne's walkers origins.
"you still haven't told me where you found them. did they attack? or, did you know them?"
they share a sad silence and andrea apologizes.
michonne sloughs it off.
"they deserve what they got."
michonne takes off.
what an interesting backstory.
we cut back to the chain, and fade over to the gov. sneaky, and a nice shot.
he's trying out some weirdo dungeon deal?
ooookay, that's going to end well.
he's clearly got someone in mind for that.
and not in a fun "pierce's playroom" type way.
we go to commercials from here
9:06 - Woodburians are loading up weapons with Martinez at the helm.
Milton questions there motives, but hey. Martinez isn't being effed with.
It appears as though they're readying to mount an offensive.
Andrea approaches Milton.
"I thought there was a deal on the table."
"I'm sure it's just a precaution, a show of force."
9:07 - the governor is loading up on medical supplies, packing 'em up nice.
Milton stalks in a doorway.
Gov catches him, and he tries to sneak away.
Governor stops him.
"what is that?"
"my workshop."
"and how is that supposed to help woodbury?"
milton goes on to explain that they wanted to claw back to civilization, and this doesn't help.
the governor asks milton about their old theories.
"do you still believe that the biters still have some spark in them? of who they once were?"
gov's still pissed about losing penny. milton retorts that she doesn't matter anymore. these guys are so mark and david healy!
9:09 - milton's run to andrea to warn her about what's up.
he eventually leads her to the governor's workshop.
"milton, this is sick," she starts.
she's not going to stand back and watch this.
they're interrupted by the governor entering his workshop.
he's got a sewing needle and a hooked suture. for stitching?
he whistles to himself, happily, then sits down in the chair.
he's listening to a playback of himself whistling as andrea lines up her sights.
she's going to shoot him!
fucking milton stops her!
9:11 - "how can you still protect him? he doesn't give a shit about you."
"i knew phillip before the governor. that man still exists."
milton says if they kill the governor, martinez takes over. problems still exist.
andrea wants her to take off with him to the prison.
milton feels like he belongs here.
"then if you stay, you can't keep looking the other way."
andrea kisses him on the cheek, of course, and takes off.
9:12 - there's a nice shot of her approaching the wall, and martinez eventually pipes up.
"andrea, andrea!"
she rolls her eyes and halts.
"governor wants all weapons collected, we need everyone armed."
"i think i'm more useful armed."
"don't be stupid about this."
she hands over her shit.
"you got a knife?"
"you want to frisk me?" she asks.
weird, they don't do that. not that i'm complaining - there's been enough of that business on this show for our liking.
anyway, the governor shows up, and says he just wants andrea safe. but he wants her to come with them tomorrow.
"if rick tries anything, you can talk some sense into him."
"tries anything?"
nice, andrea and ambiguity. we've been waiting for this.
9:14 - tyrese and sasha on the wall.
we find out tyrese can't shoot. sasha can.
yay sasha.
tyrese keeps missing and sasha chirps him big. this is really cute.
"you're wasting ammo."
tyrese eventually pops a good shot.
andrea shows up and tells them that martinez says a large pack of walkers was seen by the main wall and martinez wants them over there.
they don't buy it. shocking, because andrea is like, the best liar!
she tries to leave and tyrese grabs her.
andrea pulls a knife on him though.
"relax," he tells her.
"this place, this place, i have to leave this place,"
"why?" tyrese asks.
andrea goes on the explain the governor is terrible.
tyrese tries to stop her, but they eventually let her go.
man, can all these people just kill each other/die/find other groups/just go away, so
we can have a show about tyrese and sasha?
they'd make a dope brother/sister buddy comedy. or dramedy. whatever. it'd be damn good.
maybe carl (and judith!) could be their debbie downer(s)?
just picture her with that stupid sheriff hat.
anyway, sasha thinks this was a bad idea, and tells tyrese so as we head to commercial.
9:19 - whelp, turns out tyrese and sasha went to the gov and told him.
"this isn't a prison camp, is it?" tyrese asks during his interrogation.
everybody's got coats and junk, eh? looks like winter is coming.
i mean, so much as liveblogs are spoilers.
so, governor lies to them a bunch about andrea being a weak woman, out there all alone and junk.
pretty junky.
then he goes on to ask about if she said anything.
tyrese says no, and hopes that this doesn't affect them.
"we heard she was with that prison group," tyrese starts. "i hope i didn't complicate things."
gov says they didn't. then in totally unrelated events asks them to go help with something not related to being summarily executed.
9:21 - captain governor pirate and milton have a walk and talk wherein milton begs for andrea's mercy.
"did you talk to her?"
"no."
"you did!"
governor gets up on milton, holding him against a fence, breathing heavily.
"did you tell her about the deal? did you tell her about michonne?!"
9:22 - cut to andrea frantically running through the woods.
9:23 - martinez tells tyrese and sasha to "be ready to roll in a few."
this situation sounds fishy. maybe they're going after andrea? maybe they're going off to kill tyrese and sasha? i don't know.
fuck, anyway, tyrese tries to tell his buddies want andrea said, but they're all "fuck you buddy. fuck the crazy cowboy and the chick with the sword."
anyway, i guess some shit is starting in tyrese's group. lady problems or something (these writers are so creative, right?)? i don't know, shit.
9:24 - well, anyway, tyrese and this dude are kind of arguing about a woman.
tyrese is pretty cool about it, but some shit happened with whoever donna is.
anyway, martinez beckons, and the men are in the truck.
9:25 - andrea is running down the road and we hear a truck!
she runs off into the shoulder of the road and hides in some brush.
the car drives by.
"now here comes a walker," says rasiqra/revulva, and she's right.
easily-telegraphed, or telepathic?
you be the judge!
all of a sudden andrea is grabbed from behind by one walker.
then a bunch appear out of nowhere? seriously! directly in front of her, and then fuck.
everywhere!
so anyway, somehow andrea goes all berserker on them, killing them one by one.
one walker. ah-ah-ah!
two walkers. ah-ah-ah!
three walkers. ah-ah-ah!
9:30 - so, we're back at woodbury's walker repository.
this seems ominous.
tyrese is questioning what they're doing, and if it has to do with the prison.
tyrese isn't into this.
"i didn't think we'd be feeding people to biters."
whelp, tyrese is turning. on woodbury, that is! not like, into a biter. walker. whatever.
martinez tells them to talk it out with the governor when they get back.
"they'll send you packing. they'll send you all packing."
so, whitey gets pissed and says that tyrese doesn't speak for him, and can't send him and his son back out there. "i take care of him," whitey tells him.
"like you took care of donna," he asks?
two dudes get fighting and tyrese almost tosses him into the pit.
martinez tells other dude to "take them back to town. let 'em do some knitting."
yeah 'cause that sexist bullshit makes sense when two dudes just nearly fought to the death near a pit of walkers.
9:32 - andrea's walking through the field.
shit!
the truck is driving through the field.
she hits the dirt.
she might be safe?
nope. it's coming right for her.
it's the governor, and he's honking his horn as he chases her down.
wow, this show has such a good record of harassing and violently dealing with sexually active women.
let's count, shall we?
carol! intimate partner violence.
lori! attempted rape by shane; reproductive coercion by rick.
maggie! sexual assault by the governor.
andrea! violently hunted down by the governor.
michonne (although we haven't seen sexual activity from her on the show (yet?)! implied violence by her walker-pets when they were human.
...am i missing anyone?
this is making me sad.
9:33 - welp, andrea gets to some brush and the gov lets her go?
she walks along and along and along.
she comes upon some sort of factory or summat?
dunno, but it's pretty much twilight, and she's got to be getting in places.
shit. gov pulls up right behind her.
aaand we go to commercial.
jeeze, dudes chasing ladies down in cars. where have i seen this before?
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riiiight
9:39 - so we're in this creepy warehouse office thingy for an andrea vs governor showdown.
andrea clumsily walks about inside as we hear the governor drive about menacingly, then exit his truck.
he enters the building, all alpha-male, dressed fancy and armed-up proper.
9:40 - andrea walks around making as much noise as humanly possible.
governor whistles that tune again.
he's weird like that. it...actually feels a little forced. like, look! he's a psycho! he WHISTLES!
a walker comes up on andrea, but she knifes it like nothing.
9:41 - governor moves into a tool looking room, andrea moves along.
now she's in a room and hiding out, but gov sees her wasted walker.
he walks into the room
and whispers.
"andrea. come back to me. come back to woodbury. we need you, we all need you. that's your home now."
now sounds more like naoh.
"your people. your town."
your stuff. your thangs.
man, andrea picks the crazy fucks.
she says nothing, and he flips saying "suit yourself" and then smashing some glass, which apparently takes FOREVER to fall, according to the sound design people.
9:43 - this leads to some tasty-ass bear mcreary music and a the shining-esque showdown as gov stalks around with a shovel and andrea hides behind shit, continuing to make so much fucking NOISE!!
9:44 - governor starts whistling again, walking and dragging his shovel along.
this guy is effed up in the head, everybody.
9:44 - anywho, it looks like he's going to find andrea, but her hiding spot was just SO GOOD!
so he leaves, and she starts moving around again.
there's a walker, but he kills it.
remember to drink up, kiddies.
another walker gets shot, then another as the governor is exiting.
the second one isn't properly dead right away, so the gov kind of drops a shovel on it a bunch of times.
these skulls sure are soft, eh?
9:45 - anyway, andrea fucked up, and the governor HEARD HER MOVING AROUND UPSTAIRS during his joyous killing spree.
later, a walker attacks her, and she pushes it into a meat hook, then hits a door! she opens the door, and...
SURPRISE! dozens of walkers!
she closes the door and comes back out to the gov.
he stalks up to her quietly.
"time to go home, andrea."
andrea smiles at him, and opens the door to the giant stairwell of walkers. hiding behind the door, she watches as dozens of them converge on the governor. she makes her getaway quietly as the governor is overrun by walkers.
she leaves, leaving him presumably for dead.
good move, but yeah right.
9:48 - we cut back to woodbury's walker collecting area.
somebody's dousing all the walkers in gasoline and lighting a torch.
who is it?
the walkers are burning!!
lots of dead walkers now.
my over/under is effed.
the shadowy figure, obviously milton, drives away and we head to commercial.
hey, anybody else notice that these talking dead bumpers are always effed and never work well 'cause they're effing glitchy as eff? EFF! fffffff.
commercials! they're fun!! FFFF!
9:53 - Andrea's back! walking through the woods!
She comes upon the prison, smiling!
She's on the outskirts, raising her hand, and the Gov grabs her.
RICK SORT OF SEES IT! RICK DOESN'T BELIEVE IT CAUSE HE SEES STUFF AND THANGS, BUT HE SAW IT! DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!
9:54 - the governor's holding andrea to the ground.
9:55 - shit, come morning time tyrese et-al come upon a group of burnt-gross-disgusting dead walkers in holes. they reach out, and it almost looks like they're asking for help! fuck. that's creepy.
9:56 -we're back at woodbury. governor tells martinez he didn't find andrea. martinez tells the gov about the biters getting bbq'd. he thinks it was tyrese and sasha.
shit.
gov continues pretending he hasn't found andrea as he goes for a meeting with tyrese's group.
9:56 - "you got a beef with rick, that's fine. but you can't keep feeding these kids to biters," tyrese says. tyrese is great.
hey, guess what? time for the governor to lie again.
he pretends the biters are scare tactics.
tyrese wants to know why martinez didn't say that.
governor lies again.
"we don't really discuss tactics with people we, uh, don't really know."
"governor look. i shoot my mouth off sometimes, but the truth is, we want to stay. i saw red. it won't happen again."
fuck, great job tyrese. kiss this lunatic's ass. nice.
"where did you get the gasoline?" the governor asks tyrese on the way out.
"come again?" tyrese asks.
oh, milton, you crafty prick.
9:58 - governor finds milton.
"is she dead?" milton asks him.
"i hope not."
"are you okay?"
"never been better."
"it's a real shame about the pits."
"you heard about that, huh?"
"i hope you find out who did it."
whoa, milton's growing up real hard. he doesn't ask who did it. didn't just walks away. we all know now.
great - time for the generic rock song at the end of the walking dead constructed and obtained for the purpose of selling sountracks? (admittedly this one isn't terrible, just generic.) where we reveal that andrea is being kept captive by the governor? seriously? andrea who's been made out to seem like an inconsequential sap for 2/3rds of the season is now going to get horribly tortured by douchebag governor? yeah? that seems like a completely not sexist or terrible idea. nope, not at all.
10:01 - so, the episode's over. meeeeeh.
i mean, good job with having another one-group story, guys. i like this format a lot more than popping back and forth between multiple groups. this feels a little more, in-depth, i suppose? but hey, it still works pretty nicely. what doesn't work nicely though? fuu, i don't know - most of it?
great, govvy-mcsexassault now has andrea tied up in his evil lab of horrors? yeah, that'll be handled properly. i don't know where they're going with this, but i doubt i like it. also, hey - you dudes had one flashback that didn't exactly go anywhere but was pretty cool? what the shit? at least andrea killed the eff out of most of the walkers for a period of time. still, that mostly sucked.
and milton is totally the governor's brother right? i mean, we're all on board with this theory?
fuck.
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