Sunday, March 31, 2013

Game of Thrones Season 3 Liveblog! Episode One: Valar Dohaeris

Game of Thrones is back!


...oh. Who put Jon Snow in charge of the music?

that was a bad idea.

holy crap!

What's going to happen at the Wall?
Or in King's Landing?
Will we finally meet the Reeds?
How will Brienne and Jaime get along?
I bet there'll be some battles too!

Hit the cut with us, and we'll talk it over.

8:30 - so... about this whole OMGTHEPREMIEREISHERE!!! deal. 
umm, we had this whole deal worked out with The Walking Dead and don't exactly want to miss it.
Sooo, we'll be starting this deal up and running at 10:00pm. It'll be awesome - trust us.

If you're interested in the interim, pop by our Walking Dead Season Finale Liveblog! C'mon Walkers, White Walkers, it's similar.

these ones are just like... magic or something, it's cool.

8:45 - some of you might be questioning our decision to pull double duties on the blog.
some of you are probably annoyed you'll have to wait an hour to read along with us (yeah, right.)
well, maybe we didn't think that through so well. maybe we're bad at strategy, like Robb Stark.

soo, sorry about that.

8:55 - so we're bouncing over to our The Walking Dead liveblog, but try back here in an hour or so for all that awesome fighting over being a King with all them different houses. oooh, descriptive!

9:45 - make sure you round up your drinks, folks. Just 15 minutes 'til we're rocking the return of Game of Thrones liveblog.

10:04 - well, we've started in progress and Sam and his mates are fighting some white walkers. One guy's dead already and Sam just got his ass saved by Ghost.

Old Bear arrives with some fire to dispatch the Walker, and asks Sam if he sent the Ravens.

"Tarly, look at me. Did you send the Ravens?"

Sam shakes his head.

"That was your one job. You had only one job."

way to go, you jerk.

10:06 - Old Bear says they have to go warn people, or before Winter's done, "everyone you know will be dead."

BOOM! Opening credits.
Wow, they look so much cooler!

10:08 - we're back with Rattleshirt and the Wildlings at one badass set.
'Poor' Jon Snow is being led about by Ygritte.

He sees a giant for the first time.
They look believable, a credit to the show's effects team.

Ygritte laughs at him.

"Don't stare too long. They're shy. And if you stare too long they get angry."

She tells him stories about them pounding men like hammers pound nails as one hammers a mammoth tusk into the ground.

10:10 - Wow, Wildlings pelt Jon Snow with various stones and such for being a crow bastard.  Many of them are children, who Ygritte reminds Jon have no fathers to discipline them.  Seeing as they were killed by his Black Brothers and all.

He asks if he'll be free to go when he's free.

"Sure you will," Ygritte tells him. "and I'll be free to kill you.

These two are so cute.

They're going to meet Mance.

10:11 -

"I smell a crow" someone says.

Ygritte and Rattleshirt tell the bearded man about the whole killing Qhorin thing. That seems to bode well for him.

Actual Mance is in the background and catches wind of this.
Fake Mance tells stories about killing people.
Pretty buff.

"What's your name boy?

Jon tells him, then bows.
Calls him Your Grace, which earns a good laugh.

10:13 - Real Mance sends everybody off for some private time with Ned Stark's bastard.  Holy shit, that's Dick Koosman!

margot at the wedding is one of my favourite movies!

Also, we learn that Fake Mance is actually Tormund Giantsbane.  Wonder how yonder giant feels about that.
They wax poetic about women, freedom and being a traitor.

"Why do you want join us, Jon Snow?"

Mance gets in his face.

"I want to be free."

"No, what I think you want to be, is a hero. I'll ask you one last time. Why do you want to join us?"

Jon tells him about Craster's Keep, and leaving babies in the woods, and what takes babies in the woods.

"You're telling me you saw one of them?" Mance asks. And asks why this would make him desert the walls.

Jon reveals the Old Bear's complicity in this arrangement, and says he wants to "fight for the side that fights for the living." he asks if he's in the right place.

Mance tells him "I think we'll need to find you a new cloak."

10:16 - Boob alert. Drink!

So Bronn is with a sex worker, lamenting his lack of imagination, but is eventually interrupted by Podrick.

"I didn't hear that," he tells Pod.

Pod says Tyrion sent for him though.

"It's a matter of life and death."

10:17 - Poor Tyrion looks nowhere near as bad as he does in the books.

There's a rapping at the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's your sister. The Queen?"

10:17 - Tyrion's taken aback by her guards, and doesn't want to let her in.  She tells him that a wooden door wouldn't stop her from killing him if she wanted to do it.  He tells her to leave her guards outside, and she complies.

"I'm not afraid of you, little brother."

Tyrion hesistates but lets her in (while holding an axe, of course).

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see your face. They said you lost your nose."  She remarks on how it's not nearly so gruesome as all that, and seems mildly disappointed.  Gods (ha), their dynamic is so great!  I would love more scenes with - well, anything on this show.

10:18 - ha! now these two cuties share the funny story about how Tyrion almost died, and the dude that almost killed him was one of their men.

Cersei quips a short joke.

Tyrion tells her Pycelle made the same joke.

"Are you proud to be as clever as a man whose balls touch his own knees?"

10:19 - The chess game continues as the two discuss various aspects of their respective relationships with their father over the years.

Cersei's nervous about Tyrion going to talk to him.

10:21 - Bronn arrives to meet with Tyrion but is interrupted Cersei guards, one of which is Meryn Trant (yknow, the Sansa beater?) They almost have a wee little scuffle, but Cersei exits the room, interrupting that.  They make a pretty amusing tableau as she exits Tyrion's chambers in a swirl of amazing skirts.

Later now, Bronn and Tyrion have a little walk and talk wherein Bronn asks for more money.
How much more, Tyrion asks?

"Double. I'm a knight now. Knights cost double."
Tyrion complains that he doesn't even know how much he's paying Bronn now, and Bronn wisely points out that this means he can clearly afford it.

10:22 - ooh, poor Davos is on a beach, all sunburnt and blistered, without his finger pouch.

10:23 - A boat paddles to the shore and asks who he is.

"I was in the battle. At Blackwater. I am a captain, and a knight."

"Ay, sir, and serving which king?"

"The one true king of Westoros," Davos says, shivering. "Stannis Baratheon."

Fortunately, these men agree.

10:24 - Aboard the ship, Davos catches up with Salladhor Saan.

Davos is pretty sad about losing his sons.

Stannis is still alive (of course), and sulking at Dragonstone. Davos was to go there, but Salladhor's not taking him.

See, he was promised riches and glory in exchange for his ships.
He held up his half.

10:25 - turns out Stannis is held at Dragonstone, not seeing anyone but Melissandre.
She apparently burns people alive for being "servants of darkness" and sings to them as they die. Cool, no?

"I'm thinking Dragonstone is a place for us to avoid," Salladhor claims (given that they are a pirate and a smuggler, respectively - both clearly servants of darkness).

Davos declares his intention to kill Melisandre.  Salladhor Saan has little patience for this plan.

"If you fail, they'll burn you. If they succeed, they'll burn you."

Davos is angered.

"You drank with me on my wedding day!"
"You drank with me on four of my wedding days!" Saan retorts.

Stannis asks if he's going to help.
Salladhor tells him that when Davos dies, he'll collect his bones in a tiny pouch for his widow to wear.

Nice.  That is cold, but fair.

10:27 - Hey, look everybody! Robb Stark!

He and is bannerman come upon Harrenhall, all slaughtered up.

10:28 - Catelyn and Robb survey the damage.

Catelyn sees someone she knows, which is naturally kinda sad.
Humorously enough, it'd be sadder if they knew how close Arya was.

"Find her a room that would serve as a cell," Robb says.

Oh, good? He's locking up Catelyn for letting Jaime go?
I VASTLY preferred the way they did this in the books.  Talisa looks like she wants to point out that their marriage did kinda betray a major alliance, so, you know, hypocrisy...
but she's distracted by a sudden moan.

10:29 - Oh, some dude's alive.
It's Maester Qyburn. He's probably important, no?  I mean...fuck!

10:30 - so, it's time for Tyrion and Tywin's meeting.

"The badge looks good on you, almost as good as it looked on me."

Tywin is characteristically disinterested in Tyrion's company. Nice.  This fucking guy.
Then he complains about 'whores' of course.

"I sent you here to advise the king. I gave you real power and authority. You chose to spend your days, as you always have with harlots and drinking with thieves."

Tywin asks what Tyrion wants.

Tyrion claims he just wants a visit, then goes on to say that he organized the defense of this city, as joffrey "quivered in fear behind the walls."  That he led the battle, and bled in the dirt for his family.

"What do I want? A little bloody gratitude would be a start."

Tywin's still not impressed.

"Tell me what you want."

"I want what is mine, by right..."

He wants Casterly Rock, which Jaime can't have because he took up the Red Cloak.

"You want Casterly Rock?"

"It is mine, by right."

"We will find you accommodations more suited to your name..."


Tywin goes on.

..."and if you serve dutifully you will be rewarded a suitable wife. I will be eaten by maggots before I allow your name to sully Casterly Rock."

Tywin goes on to rip into Tywin for killing his mom (in child birth - who impregnated her, asshole? not that he didn't try to shirk that one, the dickface) and 'waddling about' under the sigil that Tywin's father and Grandfather wore. Then he tells him to go.

Poor Tyrion. These guys got some issues.

10:35 - Sansa and Shae play a game at the docks, making up stories about where ships are going.  Well, Sansa plays - Shae is bored, and her stories are too true.

"The truth is either boring or horrible."

Sansa is getting pretty jaded.  Can't really argue with her though.

Oh, great - Littlefinger is here!
He of no-voice-modulation.

Sansa is super tall now.

Baelish tells Sansa he's seen Catelyn recently. And - bombshell! - Arya!
Sansa reacts to this in a way that makes me ache to wish Arya could see it.

Littlefinger ells some lies, and implies he can get her out of there.

10:37 - Ros meets up with Shae and they have a discussion about how well they've each done "given where we've started."  She also mentions having been from the North, and recalling the day of Sansa's birth.

"It's not easy, for girls like us, to dig our way out. watch out for her,"

"I always do," Shae says.  She's watchful of Ros, and doesn't admit to anything (because she is smart, and probably assumes quite sensibly that Ros is a spy)

"Watch out for her with him," Ros says.

I'm very impressed with Ros' bravery for saying that, however!  And her compassion to the daughter of the man who held the lands in which she used to live.  What an awkward sentence that was.

10:38 - RAWR!

Dragon time.

Well, the CG is starting to look a little more believable as some medium sized Dragons fly about a boat, flying, fishing, cooking and eating.

They have some cool wing textures and spines.  The animation is much improved.

Jorah notes they're growing fast.
Dany thinks they're not growing fast enough.

"I need an army." she says.

Luckily, they're on the way to meet the Unsullied.

She and Jorah have a half-ass passive-aggressive argument as a bunch of Dothraki puke on the decks below. Cute touch, and more likeable than the books.

10:40 - Time for Dragonstone.

Is Davos there to fight Melisandre yet?


So, Stannis is seated, looking really pouty as Davos shows up to talk to him.

"well sir, you hired her."

"I had heard you were dead," Stannis tells him.

"Not yet. I had hoped to speak to you alone."

Stannis tells him they are alone, even though Melisandre stands right in front of him.

Davos doesn't like this whole 'burning people alive' thing.

Melisandre wants him to chill.

"I wasn't there when the wildfire killed our men by the thousands," she says.  She declares that she could have saved everyone.
She goes on to explain that they'd own King's Landing by now... but she wasn't there because Davos convinced Stannis to leave her behind.

10:43 - Melisandre goes on to intimidate and insult Davos for the loss of all those men and his son. Tells Davos to take comfort in what she told his son: "fire is the purest from of death."

Davos freaks out, duh.  I mean, she did a pretty great job of baiting him.  He is summarily carted off to the dungeons, as he pleads with Stannis, who continues to be somehow less sympathetic than in the books.

10:43 - Back at King's Landing, Joffrey is being carted about in his little King's carriage with a nice perfumed rag.  His litter/palanquin/whatever is followed by a golden one for Margaery.

Shit. His envoy has stopped.

It seems as though Lady Margaery is out to meet her adoring public.
She walks about through the filth, to... I don't know, meet people?
Talk to children about how their parents died?

She tells the kids that their dads stopped "bad men" from doing "bad things" and gives them toys.
Knight toys.

The kid says her dad wasn't a knight, just a soldier.
Mag says to be proud anyway, 'cause "under king Joffrey's leadership" their fathers saved the city. They did good, and upheld the realm - that's what knights do.  Oh, she is good.
She tells their carekeeper to come to her for whatever she needs to feed, house or clothe them.

"Directly to me."

Joffrey watches this from within his litter, with mounting emotions that remain to be seen.  Wouldn't it be great if he somehow exploded?

10:46 - Joffrey's inside, macking on Margaery now, and calling court meetings treason.  He is pretty terrible at flirting, but manages to compliment her gown.  Cersei agrees, adding a little dose of slut-shaming that Margaery plays off admirably.

Cersei insinuates that poor Mag is cold.
Joffrey offers to have someone fetch her a shawl.

"Us Tyrells have warm blood, don't we Loras?"

Marg goes on to try to compliment the Queen's dress and being.  Such exquisite metalwork!  HAHA!
Cersei ain't having none though.  She remarks that Margaery may well find armour useful once she becomes queen.  Or sooner.
She mentions that Joffrey told her about their excursion to Fleabottom, and Margaery's choice of walking amongst the public.  She recounts the attack they experienced (perhaps last season), saying that Joffrey nearly lost his life.

Joffrey says she's old and senile though. Nice.  I'm trying to flirt with my future queen, MOM!

"You're right of course," she says, acting up a fucking storm. "We can't all have a king's bravery.  You are your father's son."

The Tyrells exchange glances.
Actually, at this point they take a pause for everyone in the room to exchange glances.  I'm kind of drunk, and find this HILARIOUS.

10:48 - so, Margaery says up in Highgarden they've got a bunch of food and are willing to share.  Which of course they are happy to do, because their duty is to serve the realm - oh man!  How neatly she avoids mentioning the seige Highgarden had placed on King's Landing in season one!
Joffrey has a boner.
Cersei is pissed.

10:49 - Dany's run ashore in Astapor, and is talking to a man in an unsubtitled language (why?) to meet the Unsullied.

is anyone else giggling because their shields look like boobs?  

Dany receives information about the obedience and strength of the unsulled.
She asks to know of their training, and now  we get subtitles.

From Missandei...who is NOT eleven, but an adult woman with parts of her breasts exposed.  Thanks, HBO!


10:50 - We learn their training starts at five with weapons.  one that i missed, along with "the three spears."
i want to know what they are!
Apparently only 1 in 4 survives this training.

They fear nothing and shit. They're badass.

The subtitle says to tell Jorah he smells like piss. I like.

Now no more subtitles again.  Not enjoying this decision.

Then the subtitles return to call Dany a 'whore of Westeros.'

The dude goes on to spew some sexist-ass rhetoric and cut off a dude's nipple,
while we learn they've been castrated as well.  and this somehow makes them...what, exactly?

"This one is pleased to have served you." the harmed one says.  a great quotation, and a nod to the fact that the Unsullied are not given names, in an effort to strip them of their individuality.  Which they really could have mentioned, but hey, maybe it was in one of the unsubtitled bits.

Interesting, they've cut out the part about the dogs and left in going and killing infants in the market in front of their mothers then offering change for the trouble. I liked it better when they killed puppies they had since birth.
Dany is disgusted that they kill children in front of their mothers and offer them only a silver coin in response, and she is laughingly corrected - the coin goes to the baby's owner, not to the mother.

Dany eventually wants to know how many Unsullied they have to sell.

It's 8000 apparently.

I like this outside setting.

Dany's upset about 8000 dead babies.

Jorah's upset about them not being men now.
Dany gets to go to the coolest locales.  All rife with slave-trading and beachfront accomodations.

10:53 -  small blonde child gathers their attention in the market as a black cloaked figure follows behind them.  Gee, she sure looks innocent!  Oh, Dany.

the small girl rolls a ball to Dany and beckons she open it.

The cloaked figure stops her, then stabs the shit out of the scorpion dude thing that emerged from the ball. I looooved that thing in the book - it translated pretty well here!  Again, a hat tip to the effects team.

I think that girl was a Sorrowful Man. hmm.  Although she didn't apologize...and she definitely had blue lips, a la Pyat Pree.

Blackcloak dude... Artsan Whitebeard? Barristan Selmy?
Chases her off.

Shit, it is Selmy! (haha, i forgot that since we're in a visual medium and have, you know, seen this guy already, his identity can't be kept a secret)



"I've been searching for you, Daenerys Stormborn. I had sworn to protect your family, and I failed them."

Selmy asks Dany to join her King's guard as we roll out to the end.  I hope she starts using the word Queensguard soon, it always gave me a little thrill to read!

Holy Shit that was a good opener.
So well paced. So well constructed, and as usual beautifully shot.
So glad it's back!

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